Dawn of the Donald

Part 1 of an Ongoing Series

The Donald woke up in a hotel bed. As was happening more and more, it took him almost a full minute of consciousness to remember exactly where he was. He wasn’t in a Trump Hotel, he knew that much. The smell was all wrong, and the thread count on the sheets was a joke.

As he sat up and opened his eyes, it all started to come back.

After wrapping himself in a Trump-branded robe, the Donald padded over to the full-length mirror and spent several minutes shadow-boxing his reflection. The campaign staff recently sent him to a doctor, one who he hadn’t seen before. The doctor had told him that he should start doing a regimen of stretches every morning.

The Donald had, of course, called him a loser and walked out of the office on the spot. It would be a cold day in Mexico City before he would do stretches like a goddamn hippie. Still, there had been a sense of real foreboding in the doctor’s voice that had stuck with the Donald. Shadow boxing served as a morning exercise more befitting of a man who was a billionaire not just in wealth, but in spirit.

Satisfied that he had staved off death another day, the Donald took his shower. He prepped his hair with Moroccanoil, then sat down at his laptop. He liked to spend a little time on the computer each day, though he was careful not to let anyone see him do it. He knew that he didn’t look dignified, especially to young people, hunting and pecking on the keyboard, always accidentally clicking the wrong button. No one could see him show that kind of weakness. They might start to get ideas about stealing his empire, or worse, dismantling it.

He looked through the campaign’s daily email with the headlines mentioning his name. There were way more than he ever got before, more even than when he was a TV star. These were very serious publications too, not just entertainment websites

Republicans Still Weighing In on Donald Trump’s Immigrant Stance
Donald Trump’s immigration stance divides, inflames and inspires
Donald Trump: ‘We have to take back the heart of our country’
Everything was going according to plan. Pretty soon people would see what was really happening. All the problems in that were being caused by illegals, and the lack of respect that foreign countries showed to America. That was the key to politics: talking about things that everyone else was afraid to.

The Donald pulled out his phone, a device that was actually easy for the average person to use—a real product meant for real people. He scrolled through his Twitter mentions, which was a consistent 50/50 mix of fans and haters. He retweeted a couple of the people who were saying positive things, then walked off to the bathroom to do his first round of hair brushing.

This day was going to be huge. This was New Hampshire. He was running for president.